The Real Santa Story

It's been awhile ladies ( would include men but we all know this here blog is geared towards those with only an X chromosome). Quick recap of one of the latest escapades kelly and kiley have involved me in, most notably is the whole Santa costume. Kelly, sweet mother that she is wanted to have a little Xmas party at the house one week with all of kileys friends, moms in tow, since their "school" was off that week. Que candy canes, cupcakes that look like a snowman, personalized reindeer hats for all the kids, champagne maybe a little before noon for the moms, and oh yeah.... a surprise visit from a real life Santa! and thus my involvement in such party becomes clear. I am usually fair game for whatever holiday/party the ole wifey signs me up to take part in, strict rule/disclaimer though, I will/have to be amply supplied with coors light prior to festivities beginning. Santa apparently was stopping in funkytown on a Wednesday at 11AM, so the father of kiley would have to work per and post party, so strict rule could not be enforced for this event.
So I had painstakingly been growing some beautiful locks of hair that made a kick ass, mountain man, don't fuck with the bearded guy, beard. Which made the cut for kileys newborn or 3 month pictures but got the ax for the 6 month pics (yeah- Kelly likes pictures), so woulda been legit to die the beard white and at least have a sliver of realism for the costume. But alas, fake white beard over my future locks. So.... beard-check, red suit-check, gay hat-check, white (fake) beard-check, goofy belt-check, red bag full of presents-check. 11:15AM Santa arrives to cheers from the crowd. Takes a seat and is ready for the little ones to tell Santa what they want for Christmas (if they've been good). Since this fairy tale adventure I have made a new rule, if Santa makes an appearance kids must be over 2 or something. 80% were not enticed by a jolly sober Santa with a bag full of gifts to hop up on his lap. Yeah, half were not okay with being in the same room as Santa, others just looked and stared like I was some random dude on the street that talks to himself, cool to look but no where near cool enough to touch. The only ones that engulfed themselves to such treasures that were in that big ole red bag were ones that didn't have much choice (I.e. couldn't walk, talk, etc). Santa's appearance was brief and all in all painless, although those damn suits are fucking hot, it was a good memory in the end, so my thanks to kiley's mom for recruiting Santa for her little party, though for the future Santa prefers the afternoon/evening arrival.